Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The empty
For most people, skipping a meal or two equals discomfort, sickness, dizziness, weakness. Skipping "a meal or two" was such a part of my disordered life, the norm. Now I can rarely skip one of my small meals, and if I do the feeling of emptiness is overpowering. I must confess: I still like the feeling of emptiness. The bad breath that comes with not eating for a period of time. The weakness. I also know that this is also a triggering feeling for me, but identifying it is a small step in recovery. Thankfully, this empty feeling, the one that I love normally quickly disappears because I remember all the other horrors that go along with the emptiness and know that what I want is a full life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I think that it is really great that you can recognise that hungry feeling and that it feels "good" to you but you choose to eat anyway. Recovery rarely feels good and natural, at least not at first. If anything, I think feeding myself feels uncomfortable and counterintiutive. But I do it anyway, and have faith that someday it will feel good to give my body what it needs instead of starving it.
You are doing awesome!
I agreed. It is a big step to realize what you have realized. I hope you continue to recover. Recovery isn't easy. And I am so proud of you and your spirit. Stay strong!
Post a Comment