The empty

For most people, skipping a meal or two equals discomfort, sickness, dizziness, weakness. Skipping "a meal or two" was such a part of my disordered life, the norm. Now I can rarely skip one of my small meals, and if I do the feeling of emptiness is overpowering. I must confess: I still like the feeling of emptiness. The bad breath that comes with not eating for a period of time. The weakness. I also know that this is also a triggering feeling for me, but identifying it is a small step in recovery. Thankfully, this empty feeling, the one that I love normally quickly disappears because I remember all the other horrors that go along with the emptiness and know that what I want is a full life.