From my journal, 6/25/2010:
Well, stretch marks are starting and it's be really hard on me. I've felt ugly, too big, fat, gross, swollen, everything. I feel like I have to go back to anorexia to be happy??? What a lie! Anorexia is miserable and time consuming, I know that.
When I wrote this, I felt like I would never be normal again and that the only way to lose weight is through an eating disorder.
