I'm quitting.

It's time to quit, to give it up, to let it go, to move on.  Whatever you want to call it.

I quit smoking. 

I quit about 36 hours ago, but about 24 hours ago I was going kind of crazy and had to just have a smoke.  Gross.  The great thing about it was after not smoking for about 12 hours, I got a buzz off the cigarette and felt nasty afterwards. 

That's a good thing because it means that my body isn't as addicted...I think.

It's quite ironic that I smoke because I'm a singer and make some pretty decent income from that....


I don't want to ruin my voice any more than I already have.  Besides, smoking completely disgusts me.  I can't stand the smell of any other cigarette smell besides my own.

That being said, I really, really, really, really want to smoke a couple right now; my head is pounding, I'm feeling lethargic and I just want to unwind at the end of the day.

I thought about having a drink, but I don't want to trade one vice for the next.  I have a tendency to always have a bad habit, and it's normally pretty secretive.  Anorexia, purging, overexercising, smoking and cutting/self-mutilation are the usuals, and I definitely don't want to add alcohol into that mix.  Most of the others are done and gone and smoking is getting the boot, and I don't have room in my life for any of the others!  

I've known I'm going to quit for the last month or so but I was waiting to pick a date that my husband was going to be home so I can have his support and he can help take care of Lovebug.  I've been praying and asking God to literally make the smokes taste bad to me and that my desire to smoke would lessen so the quitting process would be easier.   And it's worked.  I was slowly cutting back.  A few weeks ago I was smoking half a pack or 3/4 pack a day.  This week I had cut down to about 5 cigarettes a day, which was a good thing for me.

So yes, I really want to smoke but that's why I'm blogging right now instead. :)  I really want to run to the store and buy a pack of Marb lights and sit outside on this crisp, cool evening and smoke.  My husband isn't home, so it's even more tempting to go buy some, but I'm not going to!  Nope! 

All I have to do is think of my beautiful Lovebug, the singing voice that I want to preserve, and hopefully the weight I will gain as I quit smoking and the child I hope to conceive!  :)

I can't remember how long it takes to 'get over' this.  I quit a lot before, but I can't remember?  Anyone have any thoughts on it?